home. puking in laundry basket.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
