You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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