remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
