I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
