Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
