Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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