Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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