I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
