his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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