this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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