I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
