The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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