This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He has the fingertips of a God
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