She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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