well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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