I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
