how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
