YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
