can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
