R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we made out on top of his cat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
