Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
