i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
