Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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