apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
