need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
