Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
