I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
