i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
