you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
