my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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