remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
