Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
