I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
