dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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