I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
