you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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