We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
