have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
