my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
