i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
