I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
