Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
