What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
