Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
