She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
