Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
