my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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