I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
