I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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