Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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